Five years

In five years 

I've learned that sometimes being numb is the only way to survive 

In five years

 I've learned sometimes silence is the only way 

In five years 

I've learned that you have to force yourself to find humor 

In five years 

I've learned no one likes the hospital 

In five years 

I've learned not to say what your thinking

In five years 

I've learned that once they know you had cancer that's all they ever see.

Sad

I have read books. 

Several. 

Lately I have been reading sad books. 

Devouring them. 

I like to feel sad. 

Sometimes I try to cry.  

It is good to cry. 

Crying means I am real. 

I have listened to sad songs. 

Hundreds. 

Soaking them in. 

Usually, I close my eyes. 

It helps me feel real. 

I like to feel sad. 

When I am sad, I am happy. 

I have watched movies. 

So many. 

And I enter them. 

Sad movies are my favorite. 

They are real. 

I like it when movies make me cry. 

It shows people I am vulnerable. 

I read poetry. 

A lot. 

I love sad poems. 

They are better than happy ones. 

Those are fake.

Sad ones are written like this one is. 

I am intelligent because I read sad poems  

Made of

My head is made of Celexa to keep my slightly sane 

My neck to my chest is Sinthroid and hydrocortisone so I having something left in there 

My lungs are made of albuteral so now I can breath

My stomach is Prilosec to give me some release

My womb is just a combi patch so my body thinks it's not barren 

My legs are made of neproxen, I guess so I can walk 

My mind is made of cancer. That's what everybody says 

Lonely

I hear everything 

They think I don't 

I guess they assume 

I'm fine on my own 

I'm not 

I'm lonely 

I want someone to care 

 

I just want a friend I can call my own 

Someone near. I can lean on 

And have to my own 

This is selfish 

But I just don't care 

I'm just so tired of being alone

Blank Page

Ink, pen, blank page
Something to write
Nothing said

'Send a message to the world'

Ink, pen, blank page
Nothing to write
Something said

'Send a message to the world'

Ink, pen, blank page
Something written
Nothing said

The Dame

The Dame sat by the ocean shore
The Dame for her love did wait
The Dame for her love did worry
The Dame for her love did not hurry

The Dame waited by the shore
The Dame need wait no more
For over the ocean and to the shore
Her White Knight came a'riding

The Dame stood up her heart a'flutter
The Dame's white dress flowed all around her
The Dame's black hair in the wind did fly
The Dame's White Knight took her in his arms

The Dame's White Knight her lips did kiss
The Dame's White Knight said 'fear not my love
For this night shall be my last"

Then out of the fog They came a' riding
Then out of the fog They came a'gliding
Then out of the fog 'ready, aim, fire'

The Dame's White Knight to the ground did fall
The Dame leaned o're his bleeding breast
The White Knight she did one last time his lips caress

Puppet Master

Tie your strings to my arms
Paint a refection of yourself.

Now practice a few moves.
Do I mimic? Good, you can start

Throw a punch.
I will apologize.

Tear them down with your words
I will take the blame.

Varnish your sword
I will suffer the consequences.

When they turn their back say what you really feel.
I will repent.

Puppet master.
How do you feel?