Miss You

Its been a year since you died

A day since I cried

And a second since I’ve thought of you

Stupid cancer

Screw cancer

Maybe it is survivors guilt,

Maybe I will get over it

I hope not

I hope I think of you every day

I hope it brings a pain

I hope I want to cry every time I think of you

I don’t want to miss you less

I don’t want to skip the pain thinking of you brings.

A year you died

A day I cried

A second I thought of you

Life and Death

Two seats one empty one I sit in.

I know why it is empty.

But as I look at the seat once full

And I think of all I didn’t do.

To make it all right again 

That would be my life long pain.

            For I had love and love again

But I do not know what love truly

Means. I doubt  I Ever will.

But I know Hate and hate again.

And I know death for I am death.

Love sat by me in the seat but now the seat lies bear with regret and deceit.

For life is my love and love is my life.

But when life saw me she left. 

Down

Over a hill and down a bridge lives a man with hair but no wig 
 and a cat with fur but no coat 
and a dog with a waggly but no tail
 and bird with feathers but no wings
 and I for one never intend to live in a house with pets such as this
  and father with with hair such as that.   

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You washed my eyes to see the truth but I still seem to have mud in them

You give me chances more then I deserve but I still throw them aside

You let me do what I want but still I don't repay you

You are generrise but still I am a selfish giant

You are fare I am unfair to you who listened told me truth

You are the hero I well I am the villain to whom you try to guide

You are trying to guide me tell me truth but I won't let you in

To where you've wanted to be all these years 

You dance with me through all the good times

Held my hand through the hard 

Pick me up when I fall

Cry with me when we lose loved ones 

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I see myself now as I will see myself forty years from now.

I see myself cry.

I see myself laugh.

But soon will come a time when I will never see again

because I will have nothing to see.

I will be asleep forever.

The Point

When you come to a point in life

you will see there is life without a point.

The point in life will be very sharp.

You had better not touch it.

The point is in because the point with the height

has nothing to do with life with a point.

It all together means

you took the wrong turn.

Sneeze If You Have To

I can hear you talking all stuffed up.

See you squinting and wrinkling your nose.

I want to yell, "cabbage!"

But sneeze if yo have to.

The misery you're going through is too much for me to bare.

Looking at you suffering.

The tissues are right there!

I see you topple over.

Please come back, please!

This wouldn't have happened if only you had sneezed.

Guilt

I see you wave happy to see me

I feel you hug me so gleefuly

I smile and walk away

you hold my hand as we walk

my guilt fills my eyes with tears

you turn to me you see the tears you face now

filled with fear I manage a smile and walk away the guilt

billeds a wall taller then me

I want to tell you everything

I want to pour out my heart

I see you wave happy to see me

I feel you hug me so gleefuly

I here you call me your "best freind"

I manage a smile and fall to the ground

my guilt fills my world with dark

In My Arms

Could this feeling have been true?

True love

Could I have wanted to spend my life with you?

Could I have wanted to hold you in my arms and never let you go?

If that feeling had been true love

why did it all the sudden stop?

If I had wanted to spend my life with you

why did the door shut behind you?

If I had wanted to hold you without letting go

how did you slip from my fingers so?

Why did you give me your love knowing I would throw it away?

Why did you come into my abode knowing it would never be your home?

Why did you run into my arms knowing I would let you fall?

I will throw my love and life away

make sure I have no home

I will pull myself out of the arms of safety

have a burden of guilt upon my back

die with it upon my shoulders

in my coffin of cold black stone.

Wait

The sky is shining I'm so exited

your eyes and heart are full of joy.

We all line up to take our place

there are millions lined up behind me

the whole of earth is ready to go.

Billions of angels come down lift you all up carrie you all away.

I scream for them to wait

the babies and young children 

skip past me there faces all a' glow.

I feel a chain around my waist a rope around my neck you turn around to reach

for me my hand is but a inch away.

My feet are burning my eyes are burning my face is burning red hot.

A sour face comes up to meet me you turn around one tear then your comes like a light

I scream for you I sink back down

rusted to the core,

turned into nothing but the dust of day

Listen, Watch, See

Waling through the clouded fog

I stop to listen to the song of the rain and thunder.

I wach the black birds in the misted

sky. The song of the whale huants my heart. 

I follow the long fading path

before me. The laugh of a hyena duants my footsteps.

Walking in to a dark old cabin

I lie down on the torn old bed.

I listen to the slowing pace of my heart.

And then I go to sleep.

The Door

Walking past a shut tight door.

I wonder what might be in there,

I open the door and and I scream,

there is a bean feasting on ice cream.

This disturbing image stays in my mind,

then I start thinking about key lime

Why Did You Say?

When I said "come look at this mess"

Why did you say "I couldn't care less"

It cut me so deep I coudn't keep my eyes from filling.

When I said "you should have seen her face"

Why did you say "I couldn't care less"

It made my heart a mess.

When I showed you my wedding dress

Why did you say "I couldn't care less"

When we went to see that show in town

I was going to tell you what I liked best

but I was afraid you'd say "I couldn't  care less"

Now I am dying with a sword in my breast

I now know you'd only say I couldn't care less"

I now lay down to rest.

"She wouldn't have made it I'm terribly sorry"

I heard them all crying but why did I cry when I heard you say

"I couldn't care less"

I'll stay up here where I now belong but why tell you?

you'd only say 'I couldn't  care less'

The Fight

Blood tricle sweat stinch

aim found eyes narrow

trigger pulled arrow flying.

blood trickle sweat stench.

Maybe

Maybe it can fix, all the hurtful things

been done.

Maybe it can mend, all the wrongful

words been thrown.

Maybe it can

but not on it's own.

Bloody Knife

I take your hand who would have done

this to one so young?

I hold you in my arms, who would have done this to

one pure?

I scream your name,

who would have done this

to one so innocent

why is the bloody knife in my hand?

Father

"Father! Hold me!"

"I never put you down"

"Father! take my hand!"

"I never let it go"

"Father! put your arms around me!"

"I never stopped hugging you"

"Father! I need you!"

"I never left your side"

Come Back

Come back!

I'm still here!

Come back,

don't leave me here.

come back!

all the world exept me,

come back

is my plea.

In Between

All the world walked All the world talked as though no one else was around

Suddenly tha sky went up in flames, suddenly the world froze in a silent gaze.

Suddenly all the world disappeared, at least the people did. all exept me.

I fix my gaze on the flaming sky.

I see my family going up into the sky.

The sky reseeled, my world is gone.

I stare in amoment the realize I am alone.

I scream, I cry. there is no one not even a butterfly, flowers

shrivvle at my touch, every door squeekes that I

push through, suddenly no more flowers no more door no more world at all.

Heaven or hell, I cannot tell,

maybe I am in between.

Any Other Rose

Any Other Rose

You gave me your rose with all your heart

You said it would never die

I could have had any other rose.

Two years have gone by

roses are blooming all around

while yours is slowly wilting

any other rose would last

Completly gone now

nothing left your rose is anything but bloomed

completly dead

I would have had any other rose.

Wretched

You poor thing

You wreched creature

from your mask you look as preditore

but really you are prey

You poor creature

you wreched thing

trying to be heard

but never will thay see that under your preditorial mask you are really prey

You poor thing

you wreched creature

those who do know you waste no time in jumping

to attack, they know you have one life and one heart that

is to large for it's small cage

as each time it jumps with joy it grows larger

until finally it bursts free and flys to heaven

I poor creature

I wreched thing 

want to be free of the cage by which I am

now possesed

I'll unlock the door

this isn't the happiness that I expected

my flesh is smothered in the burning coldness of the end

Rain

Sometimes when it rains, I think about a baby dying in the night.
Sometimes when it rains, I think about a love losing it's light
Sometimes when it rains, I think about a drunkerd lost in the night.

Sometimes when it rains, I think about a child running away from home.
Sometimes when it rains, I think about an old dog, finding a quiet
place to die.
Sometimes when it rains, I think about a kitten looking for somewhere dry.

Sometimes when it rains, I think about a business man being shot in an alley,
Sometimes when it rains, I think about an eagle dying in a valley.
Sometimes when it rains, I think about a father willing to die.

Mr. Mailman

Dear Mr. Mailman

I'm writing you a letter 

you're the only one who cares

I'm writing you a letter

you're the only on who dares 

Dear Mr. Mailman 

when you read this

 you might cry 

when you read this 

you will want to try 

Dear Mr. Mailman 

you have 

 a job to do 

you can't stop 

me even though

you'll want to

Dear Mr. Mailman 

just go about your day 

deliver to your 

other customers 

at least they pay 

Dear Mr. Mailman 

I'm finishing my letter

with the rest of my world 

I thought at least you should know 

you're the only one who knew me 

the only one who cared 

you're the only one who knew me 

the only one who dared

The Storm

Heaven, smothered with smoke

as nails hammer down

I look up, oceans pour from my soul  

Angels drum away 

angels flash pictures to remember today.

I Don't Want

I don’t want to live

I don’t want to die

I don’t want to go on day to day

I can’t tell the truth

I can’t tell a lie

I can’t do anything without wanting to die

I don’t want pity

I don’t want pain

I don’t want to keep the blame

I can’t be myself

I can’t be anyone else

I can’t be an invisible doll on a shelf

I don’t want freedom

I don’t want prison

I don’t want to be a doll shaken and spit on

I don’t want to be a little girl like this

I don’t want to grow up this fast

I don’t want my childhood not to last

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For the beauty of death, you thrust your knife through me

For the love of goth, you tie your rope round me 

For the respect of hate, you kill the joy in me

Show Me

Show me sunshine and I'll show you rain 

Show me healing and I'll show you pain 

Show me joy and I'll show you grieving 

Show me truth and I'll show you deceiving 

Show me love and I'll show you hate 

Show me agreement and I'll show you debate 

Show me beauty and I'll show you disgust 

Show me equality and I'll show you disdain  

Show me Respect and I'll show you contempt

Suicide's Prayer

She sobs in the night though no one can hear

  Through her tears and her blood she prays this prayer

  ‘You said I was perfect, and all I should be then why does he tell me he won’t             love me, from the moment I was born, he was filled with hate.

 Now he watches porn and throws it in my face,

   God you told me you would always be there, I can’t find you now have you             ever been here?

   Tonight I’m ready to end the fight, with this gun and this knife I will take my             life.”

           

    Tonight he’s hiding and hopes they won’t see, he is only their aim for pain and mockery,

    So he folds his bleeding hand, and trembles as he kneels, whispers this             prayer through his busted lips.

     ‘I tried to follow your word with prayer, but tonight I’m telling you I can’t live             down here, 

they beat me and they laugh, because I love the wrong way, so 

  I’m taking the rope and pulling the lights out.’

           

   In her room she wants to stop the fight

     Even though she knows, they will all claim they were right.

    The pressure is too much and she wants to scream. But instead

   She murmurs a silent prayer.  

'I don’t feel you in me like I used to do,

   I wish you would take me from this Earth, because they yell and they scream             and I can’t feel my worth, 

I’m not in physical pain, its true, but the words are harsh and the blame is too.

      If you won’t take me

    I have these pills for a loophole to you.’

   In every country on the Earth, souls are lost in the cold night air,

            They are whispering their last, their suicide’s prayer.