Five years

In five years 

I've learned that sometimes being numb is the only way to survive 

In five years

 I've learned sometimes silence is the only way 

In five years 

I've learned that you have to force yourself to find humor 

In five years 

I've learned no one likes the hospital 

In five years 

I've learned not to say what your thinking

In five years 

I've learned that once they know you had cancer that's all they ever see.

Sad

I have read books. 

Several. 

Lately I have been reading sad books. 

Devouring them. 

I like to feel sad. 

Sometimes I try to cry.  

It is good to cry. 

Crying means I am real. 

I have listened to sad songs. 

Hundreds. 

Soaking them in. 

Usually, I close my eyes. 

It helps me feel real. 

I like to feel sad. 

When I am sad, I am happy. 

I have watched movies. 

So many. 

And I enter them. 

Sad movies are my favorite. 

They are real. 

I like it when movies make me cry. 

It shows people I am vulnerable. 

I read poetry. 

A lot. 

I love sad poems. 

They are better than happy ones. 

Those are fake.

Sad ones are written like this one is. 

I am intelligent because I read sad poems  

Made of

My head is made of Celexa to keep my slightly sane 

My neck to my chest is Sinthroid and hydrocortisone so I having something left in there 

My lungs are made of albuteral so now I can breath

My stomach is Prilosec to give me some release

My womb is just a combi patch so my body thinks it's not barren 

My legs are made of neproxen, I guess so I can walk 

My mind is made of cancer. That's what everybody says 

Lonely

I hear everything 

They think I don't 

I guess they assume 

I'm fine on my own 

I'm not 

I'm lonely 

I want someone to care 

 

I just want a friend I can call my own 

Someone near. I can lean on 

And have to my own 

This is selfish 

But I just don't care 

I'm just so tired of being alone